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My First Time EP

by Alexander Shen

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1.
Now there comes a time in everyone's life Well, every man's life That a first time happens And I think everyone Or every man with this first time You should remember it You should honor it Here we go Verse: I'm so nervous My palms are sweaty I don't even remember your face, no Then you ask for me You call me by name You ask you me how I'm doing today (I'm okay) Then you ask me to take off my clothes (so slow) And close door so nobody knows Chorus: You're my doctor Insurance makes you free You're the only woman who will touch my balls willingly Turn your head and cough you say [cough], is that okay? You tell me I don't have a hernia, that's great Does this count you getting to my third base? At least that's what I'll tell my friends
2.
My mama say what's wrong with you How come you don't have a wife yet Your brother has two He lives in Utah The whitest people you ever saw (just kidding!) My mama say why got to be so picky? All she has to be is a lady! With two working ovaries Doesn't matter the size of her mammaries They don't care about her face They don't care about her race As long as she's Chinese And they don't care where she's from And they don't care if she's dumb As long as she produces a son Chorus: My mama say you have to preserve your legacy She calls it Chinese destiny She says it's in your blood Just like how daddy and I are racist (so racist) My mama say she wants to be my matchmaker I tell her that's a social disaster And I laugh, ha ha, hee hee hee And she looks at me, throws away my tea My mama say what about that girl She's so pretty I say that girl's in my extended family She looks at me with a frown She says that second cousins do not count (true story!) Doesn't matter about her family Doesn't matter if she can't see As long as she's with me And they don't care if she's allergic Or if she is a quadrapelegic As long as she gives birth to a suen zi (that's Mandarin!) Chorus Rap: Wo de ba ba, that's my father Wo de ma ma, that's my mother Wo de jie jie, that's my sister Wo de ge ge, that's my brother Wo do bo ba, that's my bubble tea But boba also means big boobies That's not a lie, I'm not a pervert Wo shi zhong guo ren, I'm a good person Chorus
3.
If I couldn't make it as a wise man If I couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing Now what, what, chances do I have Maybe I should just forget all I believe in And join your church with your long blond hair And that chin full of pubic hair Chorus: Nickelback is the greatest band in the world They get all the pretty, pretty girls (35 and older) Nickelback is the greatest band in the universe They'll kick your ass Before they take your names first They have all these hits up on the billboard (number ones) They even had a song in Spiderman the movie (Hero) If "Everyone Cared" "Today Was Your Last Day" (Whatcha gonna do?) "Photograph" a "Rockstar", 'cause they are "Savin' Me" "Gotta be Somebody" with that sound Don't forget "Burn It To the Ground" Chorus
4.
There she goes Walking away 'Cause she's got two working legs now And there she goes Hey, hey, hey Without a single word to say now And how do I know Everywhere that she goes It's 'cause she, she's my My robot wife Weapon of mass destruction, baby. And people they ask "Hey there Alex! Why you runnin' so fast?" I say that I Lost her remote control And she's going to run that little child over With seventeen Tons of stainless steel It's 'cause she, she's my My robot wife Bridge: Now everyone please don't judge me If you think I'm just a little bit crazy There's only one thing where I'm guilty And that's just being crazy In love And how do I know Everywhere that she goes It's 'cause she, she's my My robot, my robot (she's what?) My robot, my robot (she's who?) My robot, my robot wife
5.
All alone Shabby clothes in a broken home I mean literally it's a broken home I came crashing through just hours ago But you, yeah you Heard me in the dark So you left, you ran Now there's a hole in heart Chorus x2: I just want to eat your brains I wanna rip off your face No, no, no I won't share Because I care This pain is driving me insane I just need you tonight I need to feed on you tonight
6.
"Ni hao" means hello "Zai jian" means good bye "Wo xiang cuo ni de yian jing" means that I want to stab you in the eye "Wo xian zai yao shang ce suo" doesn't mean how do you do It just means I wanna know where the toilet So I Can go number two (or one) Chorus: I see people learning Chinese I think that's great I think it's the bee's knees So if you go to Chinese school I hope you really do (Saturdays only) And with just a little practice You can learn Chinese too "Wo de qian zai na li?" doesn't mean that I'm a bad guy I just want to know where my money is So you don't have to die "Ni shi ge huen qiu dan" doesn't mean I'm your biggest fan It just means you're a [bleep] [bleep] But not in so many words Chorus: I see people using Chinese (the language, not the people) I think that's great I think it's the bee's knees So if you go to Chinese school I hope you really do (Saturdays only) And with just a little practice You can learn Chinese too
7.
Now there comes a time in everyone's life Well, every man's life That a first time happens And I think everyone Or every man with this first time You should remember it You should honor it Here we go Verse: I'm so nervous My palms are sweaty I don't even remember your face, no Then you ask for me You call me by name You ask you me how I'm doing today (I'm okay) Then you ask me to take off my clothes (so slow) And close door so nobody knows Chorus: You're my doctor Insurance makes you free You're the only woman who will touch my balls willingly Turn your head and cough you say [cough], is that okay? You tell me I don't have a hernia, that's great Does this count you getting to my third base? At least that's what I'll tell my friends
8.
My mama say what's wrong with you How come you don't have a wife yet Your brother has two He lives in Utah The whitest people you ever saw (just kidding!) My mama say why got to be so picky? All she has to be is a lady! With two working ovaries Doesn't matter the size of her mammaries They don't care about her face They don't care about her race As long as she's Chinese And they don't care where she's from And they don't care if she's dumb As long as she produces a son Chorus: My mama say you have to preserve your legacy She calls it Chinese destiny She says it's in your blood Just like how daddy and I are racist (so racist) My mama say she wants to be my matchmaker I tell her that's a social disaster And I laugh, ha ha, hee hee hee And she looks at me, throws away my tea My mama say what about that girl She's so pretty I say that girl's in my extended family She looks at me with a frown She says that second cousins do not count (true story!) Doesn't matter about her family Doesn't matter if she can't see As long as she's with me And they don't care if she's allergic Or if she is a quadrapelegic As long as she gives birth to a suen zi (that's Mandarin!) Chorus x2

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released January 30, 2010

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Alexander Shen San Ramon, California

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